No One's Ever Nice to Me

Butterscotch Horseman: You could be nicer to her.
Beatrice Horseman: No one's ever nice to me. Why should I be nice? 

"Time's Arrow". Bojack Horseman. Writ. Raphael Bob-Waksberg. Tornante Television. 2017, Netflix.

I watch a lot of true crime TV, ngl. When I say true crime, I mean HLN Forensic Files, Oxygen Snapped, and ID Murder in the Heartland, Homicide Hunter and Shattered, to name a few.

This is not because I glorify murder. I do have a fascination with how these crimes are solved. Each episode is a chronicling of real crimes that have occurred over the years.

One of the common opinions I see in these shows during interviews with reporters or family and friends of the victim or even the killer themselves is: they had a rough childhood i.e. abuse, sexual or otherwise or other traumas.

I find this excessively frustrating. Not because I don’t believe these people had difficult childhoods. Quite the opposite. I agree that many of these people had difficult childhoods. However, I don’t agree that they get to use their difficult childhood as an excuse for their heinous crimes.

In one interview with a family member of one of the victims, the individual made a comment that I found profound. Sure, they had a difficult childhood, but a lot of people have and did, but they didn’t kill someone in cold blood.

I told my mother, I’ve told her this many times, that no matter what has happened to you in your life, especially bad, horrible unspeakable things, it doesn’t give you the right to do the same to others.

That’s all I really have to say about this. It just frustrates me to no end when I hear people say this about people who kill others in cold blood. It’s hard to be nice to others if you feel no one has ever been nice to you. It doesn’t mean you should strive to be nice. And I say that from experience. I used to have that attitude. But one day, I woke up and realized, wait a minute. Sure, I’ve been mistreated, but why mistreat people who had nothing to do with past mistreatment? Of course, if the person mistreating you is the same person you’re struggling to be nice to, that’s a different bowl of soup, that I won’t be attempting puff on so it’s cool enough to eat right now.

Be well.

Featured Image: Photo by NEOSiAM 2020 from Pexels

Free Churro – I am doing so great. (TW)

Usually, when people ask how I'm doing, the real answer is I'm doing shitty, but I can't say I'm doing shitty because I don't have a good reason to be doing shitty.
So if I say, "I'm doing shitty," then they say, "Why? What's wrong?" And I have to be like, "I don't know, all of it?" So instead, when people ask how I'm doing, I usually say, "I am doing so great.

"Free Churro". Bojack Horseman. Writ. Raphael Bob-Waksberg. Tornante Television, 2018. Netflix. 

So, I’m obsessed with Bojack Horseman. This is going to be a short post because I worked last night and I haven’t slept yet and I’m tired and I should sleep.

Anyway, the quote I chose is from an episode in the fifth season. I’m not going spoil it in case someone was really jonesing to see it and hasn’t seen it yet. But I will say, he’s giving a eulogy.


I'm an Albatraoz?

So, why did I choose this by line for my website?

I heard a song by AronChupa on Spotify about five years called “I’m an Albatraoz”.

There’s some less than wholesome lyrics contained within the song but I remember hearing it and feeling, buzzword alert, empowered.

“Fuck that little mouse, ’cause I’m an albatraoz”.

There’s some wordplay here but the gist is that albatraoz is a reference to the albatross which is a large and sometimes aggressive bird. Hence, an albatraoz is someone who is not to be messed with.

And I like that.

When I heard it, I thought, yes, I’m not to be messed with.

This is significant for me because growing up I didn’t develop self esteem the way I should have. In the environment I was raised in I learned that my privacy didn’t matter, that emotions were a burden, especially sad ones, that if you had time to talk about your problems you weren’t spending enough time being thankful for what you had and that if you felt sad or any other negative emotion you needed Jesus and needed to pray more.

After leaving home at nineteen, the world came as a shock to me. Some negative things I never knew existed reared their ugly heads, I had been so protected. Some rights I didn’t know I had knocked me on my back because wrapping my head around the fact that had certain rights made me so tired I needed a nap. I quickly learned that the world didn’t always operate in the parameters of the little nucleus I’d been taught to view. Some of that learning experience was disappointing because learning about some of the real depravity in the world was oftentimes mind boggling. But a lot of it was also eye opening, in a good way. It’s like being in a tiny room all your life and one day finally escaping and realizing there’s other rooms, with things in it that you’ve never seen, fascinating, wonderful things.

So, I chose this by line for this website because that’s how I feel. Strong, badass, not to be messed with and I want to share that feeling with others, those who need it and even those who don’t because they feel the same way. Charity and solidarity.

The site address isn’t the same though because it was already taken and I didn’t want to use a variation because that’s not unique. So, I created F the Dragon. What the F stands for should be apparent. To me the dragon represents demons, the things we struggle with, our problems, our traumas, our pain, our sadness, our anger. All those things though, we can’t allow to consume us. We have to prevail over them. They’re going to happen, they’re going to manifest but we can’t let them win. Instead, we battle the dragon, every day, every week, or every month. When we defeat the dragon, the phoenix rises. We are reborn each time, stronger and stronger. Sometimes, the phoenix dies but we just kill that old dragon again and the phoenix returns, stronger than ever, ready to fight another day.

Be well.